Do you have plans this Saturday around midday? Cancel ’em. We’re all going to our nearest Stop & Shop to celebrate the first birthday of Marty, a revered employee of the northeast grocery chain. Like most Aquarians, Marty is a robot. Unlike most grocery store employees, Marty could be a key witness in an ongoing murder investigation.
If you haven’t met Marty, he’s essentially a 6’3” Roomba with googly eyes, which I think is good and normal. Marty tells human employees about spills and/or hazards in the store. According to Marty’s website (way to get on top of your personal branding, Marty!) the robot spots about 40 spills/hazards each day. He insists he does not replace human employees, and also that he doesn’t follow people around the store, both of which are fair questions to ask of Marty. He’s also bilingual, speaking both Spanish and English, which is quite impressive for a one-year-old.
But justice never takes a day off—not even for bilingual toddlers’ birthday parties. Business Insider reports that Marty could be a key witness in a murder trial. A Connecticut woman charged with conspiracy to commit murder says at the time of the crime, she was at Stop & Shop taking selfies with Marty. Now, Marty’s website says that while he has cameras, he doesn’t record video; the grocery chain did not comment on whether Marty could possibly corroborate the alibi.
All of this is to say that Marty’s got a lot going on right now. If you have the time to stop by Marty’s birthday thing, please do so. And while you’re there, remind Marty that the truth will set him free.